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Early on, my partner and I were experiencing “severe” communication breakdowns. The type where we would get he would get frustrated and I would get defensive. This was a rough time for us. This went on for months. We weren’t able to experience that much joy and situations that would set us off, triggered us every time.
I vowed that I would practice the art of not “reacting” to what he was saying. I had to disarm my defensive stance in order to hear what he was saying. He felt misunderstood and I wasn’t in any condition to hear the “negative”. I was working through my baggage from an expired relationship and grief. I wanted him to run away as soon as we started dating but he didn’t. He stayed.
I learned a valuable lesson in what it means when both partners are willing to work on the relationship. Both individuals need to be on board when doing couple work. Even in a healthy relationship, there may be a period where you must get comfortable with being uncomfortable. My partner was experiencing doubts and expressing that we were disconnected. He felt like calling it quits.
After hearing him out and spending an entire day crying because I didn’t want to lose this amazing person: I made a decision. I made the choice to give life coaching a try. Being a coach myself, I went through the stigma of AM I enough? I’m a therapist, how come I don’t have all of the answers. I went through every insecurity, I had. My love for him was greater than all of the fear I was having. At 4 am, I reached out to him.
I expressed my desire to work on our relationship. I remember sweating bullets and still wiping the tears from my eyes. We both felt relief. We made an appointment with some of my peers in the wellness business. Rapport is vital for those seeking to do any type of healing/inner work.
The experience of being coached, helped us to shift our mindsets, to be more understanding and kind to each other. I began to see each day as an opportunity to love him. Above all else, loving him is remains my focus. Remaining open and communicating with an open heart saved our relationship. We chose to have a brave conversation, setting our goals for each other. As a result, we aligned ourselves with other resources alongside coaching.
We kept on creating space for us to share our hurts, fears, and disappointments. We used a “US” against our triggers mentality which helped us to work as a team. Having life coaching sessions and the presence of others to pour into us was a significant turning point in our relationship. Drop the shame and insecurity and pick up: vulnerability and courage. Seek out help if you and your partner, need it. Lastly, you owe it to yourself to breathe in healing in the space where conflict is present.
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